toxic thought waste site

Theological whimsy, metaphysical larks, and other spiritually radioactive waste products.

Saturday, October 28, 2006


I think the most interesting aspect of the "What Would Jesus Do?" movement is that in a sense we know the answer in almost every instance to this question will be singularly unhelpful. WWJD? He would likely do a miracle. This is almost never a useful answer in our day to day lives.

Let's say your friend is dying of cancer. WWJD? Forgive their sins and cure their disease. He didn't often pray for a cure or pray for the strength to accept this awful turn of events. He was a superhero and he did what a superhero would do: use his powers.

Even more perplexing is trying to determine what Jesus would do in our modern world (WWJ Drive?, WWJ eat?, etc.). Once again, he had magic powers so probably wouldn't need a car. And who knows if he needed to eat or not. The idea of god needing food seems pretty silly.

If we really could learn WWJD in specific scenarios, I'd be interested in learning the following:

  • WWJPIHNL (What Would Jesus Put In His Netflix List?) : I'm guessing he has supernaturally good taste and I'm always looking for a good movie.
  • WWJR? (What Would Jesus Read?): Also would like some good books. I wonder if Jesus was literate. Do you think he leaned towards SciFi or Self-Help books?
  • WWJPFTL?(What Would Jesus Play For Tomorrows Lottery)? : That would be practical and a pretty good indication of his divine credentials.
  • WWJPI?(What Would Jesus Program In?): I've always wondered what programming language god uses. Lisp probably. At least it's been around since Biblical times.

How would you fill in the blank? WWJ___?



Anonymous Anonymous said...

wait a minute... I'll have to play devil's advocate here. Hum... I mean, Jesus' advocate.

Jesus would not have used his superpowers all the time - he would have done it a few times to prove he was god. C'mon, he didn't even save himself from death, and I am pretty sure he did not move around by teletransporting himself, even though he allegedly could have done it.

There is a passage in the bible where he would have been a little bit depressed because people were going after him because of his powers, not because of his teachings. I'm to lazy to look it up now. Also, I do not want to be caught reading a bible. People talk, you now. What about my reputation?

Now, WWJRead? Definitely Harry Potter. Jesus would program in Prolog, but besides facts and rules he would create another construction called paraboles. Lisp is the devil's language. There is a sector in hell only for closing the right parentheses of somebody else's code.

Sat Nov 04, 04:25:00 AM  
Blogger evtujo said...

No where in the bible does it say that he *didn't* teleport so we have to assume that he did. This is how we bible scholars figure these things out.

Also your prolog eisegesis is intruiguing but since it is well known that Jesus used emacs, it would be absurd to say he didn't therefore use lisp. Do your homework!

Mon Nov 06, 05:12:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you ever heard of lisping snakes? Snakes are clearly the devil in the bible. I am going to quote Stephen Colbert introducing Richard Dawkings - "You know what, you'll have an eternity in hell to prove it."

Mon Nov 06, 05:45:00 AM  

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