toxic thought waste site

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Friday, January 19, 2007

God Hacks

  • Foreword (by Pope Benedict XVI and Brian Flemming)
  • Preface
  • Contents
  • God basics
    • Why "god hacks"?
    • Minimal system requirements
    • Determining which god is right for you
    • Turning off the nagging voice of doubt
    • Care and Feeding of your god
  • Understanding your owner's manual
    • Stop laughing, it's all true.
    • Quick overview of how we got here and what we are supposed to do now.
    • Contradiction Harmonization: it's all too crazy *not* to be true.
    • Navigating the silicon age with the wisdom of the iron age.
  • Installation, Upgrades, Fix packs, Uninstalls
    • How do I install a deity ("Getting saved")?
    • How do I upgrade up to the "next level"?
    • How do I uninstall my deity ("Apostasy")?
  • Communication Hacks
    • One-way asynchronous mode ("prayer")
    • Troubleshooting the "Deity Not Found" response.
    • Avoiding ironic answers to prayer.
    • Discriminating between hearing God's voice and "those crazy voices"
    • Classical interpretation techniques: tea leaves, entrails, and you
  • Divine Wrath: Avoidance and Responses
    • Is it wrath or just random?
    • Diagnosing the reason for the wrath
    • Efficient, results-based grovelling
  • Keeping the Commandments:
    • If it feels good: Stop!
    • Killing infidels
    • Sharing the Joy: Mind virus transmission techniques
  • Afterlife hacks
    • Performing a vice/virtue audit for estimating your current eternal reward status
    • Work arounds for predestination
    • Asbestos underwear: preparing for worst case scenarios.
  • Financial Considerations
    • Calculating your ideal tithing rate to maximize ROI.
    • Determining the most cost efficient religion for you
    • Starting your own religion for fun and (mostly) profit.
  • Hacking Theological puzzles
    • How to interpret God's silence as proof of his existence
    • How to use the concept of freewill to explain away god's non-interference policy
    • Putting God in the gaps and keeping him there.
  • Reboots, System Recovery
    • Sin (understanding the point system)
    • Forgiveness
    • So you've traded your soul for a fiddle....
  • Troubleshooting
    • Your options when god breaks his promise
    • Help, my god is commanding me to _____. (Dealing with unreasonable requests)
  • Advanced Hacks
    • Making your own god from scratch
    • Becoming a god your self (apotheosis)
    • Removing the "god virus" from yourself and others

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