Too lazy (and stupid) to be evil
One of the advantages of being an atheist, as we all know, is having no conscience and no moral bounds. If I want to stomp on a puppy on the way home from burning down an orphanage, who cares? Nothing matters anyway, right? And sure I enjoy stealing the pension fund of little old ladies as much as the next heathen, but honestly I'm not sure I have what it takes.
The problem is that anyone can do *one* seriously evil act and the prisons are full of these people (well, sure they are almost exclusively Christians and Muslims, but there has got be at least one atheist). But what's the point of being evil once? Having no conscience is way too good to waste on one event. You've got to make it last, work towards big goals.
As I was working at the food bank this week I really felt it was time to re-examine where I'd gone wrong with my life. Of course I was merely there to give the illusion of goodness, to provide cover for my future campaign of nefarious deeds. But who am I kidding? Being evil, seriously evil, takes work and brains. I guess I'm finally ready to admit I don't have enough of either to follow through with even the simplest evil scheme.
Lets take stealing a million dollars. I barely even know how to begin to plan something like that. Even knowing how much suffering I could cause and the orgies I could throw isn't enough to motivate me to even start acquiring the firearms and learning how to read building plans and alarm schematics. And heaven forfend that I should plan sloppily and have to live in hiding for the rest of my life. I tell you it's a lot easier to just show up at work each day. Honestly, I'm "just phoning it in" with respect to my lack of morals lately. What kind of example I am setting for my kids?
Such a waste of atheism.